Saturday, October 27, 2007

What Did I Do To Deserve...?

What did I do to deserve this awful condition I'm in?

How come I explain myself over and over and nobody understands?

What happened to me that my dreams torment me every night?

What did I do to receive God's mercy?

What did I do so that He chose me?

What did I do so that my spiritual zeal increases as my condition worsens?

The answer is nothing.

Which would I rather have--normal mental and physical health with much less spiritual growth or the spiritual growth I've been experiencing without the chronic suffering? I can't answer that yet but as time goes on I'm more and more thankful for the spiritual growth and the opportunity to know Him so much better because of what He's doing.

I hate my life. I love God. He will be glorified. Someday, sometime it will have been worth it.

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